Sensation: First Documentation of Subtitle Reading Rituals Discovered

During renovation of an old cinema in Tallinn, documents from 1820 were discovered under the floor, proving that Balts practiced "reading rituals" before cinema was even invented. The ancient tradition prescribed:

• Read subtitles quickly while demonstratively showing understanding of the original language
• Sigh at least once per screening about translation inaccuracies
• Flirt with neighboring viewers by commenting on linguistic nuances

Dr. Magnus Petersons explains: "Our ancestors read church texts just as ritualistically. They already knew that cultural consumption is a performative act."

The documents also reveal that Balts could synchronize reading with breathing as early as the 19th century, partially explaining our endurance for 4-hour Tarkovsky films.

Fragment from 1823: "Today I read Goethe subtitles with particular elegance. My neighbor noticed my intellectual superiority."