Study: Acute Impact of WordPress Platform on Mental Health

A study led by Dr. Aino Virtanen titled "Digital Self-Inflicted Trauma: WordPress as an Instrument of Postmodern Suffering" reveals disturbing conclusions about this platform's impact on human mental well-being.

Key findings:

• 67% of WordPress users report chronic screen staring for immeasurable time periods
• Plugin dependency causes acute technological nihilism in 23% of cases
• "Fatal error" messages correlate with existential crises in 89% of cases
• Gutenberg block editor triggers spontaneous Kafka quotation episodes

Particularly dangerous is the so-called "PHP Edit Loop Syndrome" - a condition where individuals continuously edit the functions.php file while simultaneously losing understanding of their existence's meaning.

"WordPress is not merely a content management system," warns Dr. Virtanen. "It's a postmodern textbook on meaninglessness, disguised as a user-friendly platform."

Study participants who survived a 24-hour WordPress marathon showed spontaneous philosophy degree acquisition and an overwhelming desire to discuss Camus.